Still Sick with a New Twist

*******WARNING: NOT FOR EMILY*********

So, this morning, as I was brushing my teeth, the inevitable happened. I've had a really hard time brushing my teeth and doing a good job because of my gag reflex (I've done as well as I could manage, but today it was just too much for me). I wasn't feeling super well, and I ate delicious oatmeal that I put blueberries and milk and wheat germ in for breakfast, but I wanted a sweet treat, so I also made some delicious cocoa. Something was too much for me--I really hope it wasn't the cocoa because it was such a tiny pleasure.

But I threw it all up in the sink while I was in the middle of brushing my teeth. All of it. And the funny thing was, just as I had been hoping and suspecting and wishing, I felt so much better after that was over. I just knew it! For months I've been incredibly sick and just wishing I could throw up, even though that is the least appealing thing on earth, I was so envious of the girls who could just puke when they felt so sick. And it was everything I hoped it would be. I felt better, more energized, and so much less sick.

So, here I am at work, dreading the moment I get hungry because I don't know what is going to happen, but I'm feeling a little better as long as I'm not eating. This is the longest I've been at work without eating in a very long time. But I am drinking some water, which is helping to calm my stomach. And I have three different kinds of soup, depending on what I think I'll be able to handle. I'm hoping I can eat that delicious hot and sour soup I made. That was nice, easy, fun, and delicious. But not to my mind right now.

I hate not being able to enjoy the thought of food! The nausea is supposed to be waning (from everything I've read), but it's just not--it's here with full force, back to how I was before I started feeling a little better--back to all of the scents in the office killing me, back to even the thought of food making me want to die. Someday. Someday. Someday. I'll be a normal person again who can talk about food 24 hours a day, like I always do. I can't wait--but I keep having to be reminded that all of this is worth it and it's the sign of a good, healthy pregnancy. And in about 6 1/2 months, we'll have a little baby. Won't that be fun? Right now, I just can't see it.