Okay. Feeling so sick, tired, nauseated, etc is really getting old and I'm ready to move on to just being big and dizzy--but all of it at once is too much.
I think it's as funny as the next guy that I can't push my chair in all the way anymore when I'm sitting in it at work without totally squishing my huge belly. And it's hilarious that I get so dizzy I could just fall down if I stand up too fast. And it's nice to remember to drink water because my throat is always parched. And it's laughable that my back hurts so badly and lying down doesn't help, sitting doesn't help, standing doesn't help--there is nothing I can do to make it feel better. And it is really a great joke to be so nauseated all the time that I don't want to eat but the only thing that will alleviate some of that (never all of it, of course) is eating. That is really the funniest part. But enough is enough. It's fine that I can only do one thing every afternoon when I get home from work--and that is usually talking to my mom on the phone for 20 minutes or maybe cooking something for lunch the next day. But I haven't cleaned anything, worked on my knitting, watched a full-length movie, or anything for what seems like months. Or I've watched one or two movies in the last three months.
And I'm so tired.
And that is how I really feel.
The end.
Showing posts with label nausea. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nausea. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Still Sick with a New Twist
*******WARNING: NOT FOR EMILY*********
So, this morning, as I was brushing my teeth, the inevitable happened. I've had a really hard time brushing my teeth and doing a good job because of my gag reflex (I've done as well as I could manage, but today it was just too much for me). I wasn't feeling super well, and I ate delicious oatmeal that I put blueberries and milk and wheat germ in for breakfast, but I wanted a sweet treat, so I also made some delicious cocoa. Something was too much for me--I really hope it wasn't the cocoa because it was such a tiny pleasure.
But I threw it all up in the sink while I was in the middle of brushing my teeth. All of it. And the funny thing was, just as I had been hoping and suspecting and wishing, I felt so much better after that was over. I just knew it! For months I've been incredibly sick and just wishing I could throw up, even though that is the least appealing thing on earth, I was so envious of the girls who could just puke when they felt so sick. And it was everything I hoped it would be. I felt better, more energized, and so much less sick.
So, here I am at work, dreading the moment I get hungry because I don't know what is going to happen, but I'm feeling a little better as long as I'm not eating. This is the longest I've been at work without eating in a very long time. But I am drinking some water, which is helping to calm my stomach. And I have three different kinds of soup, depending on what I think I'll be able to handle. I'm hoping I can eat that delicious hot and sour soup I made. That was nice, easy, fun, and delicious. But not to my mind right now.
I hate not being able to enjoy the thought of food! The nausea is supposed to be waning (from everything I've read), but it's just not--it's here with full force, back to how I was before I started feeling a little better--back to all of the scents in the office killing me, back to even the thought of food making me want to die. Someday. Someday. Someday. I'll be a normal person again who can talk about food 24 hours a day, like I always do. I can't wait--but I keep having to be reminded that all of this is worth it and it's the sign of a good, healthy pregnancy. And in about 6 1/2 months, we'll have a little baby. Won't that be fun? Right now, I just can't see it.
So, this morning, as I was brushing my teeth, the inevitable happened. I've had a really hard time brushing my teeth and doing a good job because of my gag reflex (I've done as well as I could manage, but today it was just too much for me). I wasn't feeling super well, and I ate delicious oatmeal that I put blueberries and milk and wheat germ in for breakfast, but I wanted a sweet treat, so I also made some delicious cocoa. Something was too much for me--I really hope it wasn't the cocoa because it was such a tiny pleasure.
But I threw it all up in the sink while I was in the middle of brushing my teeth. All of it. And the funny thing was, just as I had been hoping and suspecting and wishing, I felt so much better after that was over. I just knew it! For months I've been incredibly sick and just wishing I could throw up, even though that is the least appealing thing on earth, I was so envious of the girls who could just puke when they felt so sick. And it was everything I hoped it would be. I felt better, more energized, and so much less sick.
So, here I am at work, dreading the moment I get hungry because I don't know what is going to happen, but I'm feeling a little better as long as I'm not eating. This is the longest I've been at work without eating in a very long time. But I am drinking some water, which is helping to calm my stomach. And I have three different kinds of soup, depending on what I think I'll be able to handle. I'm hoping I can eat that delicious hot and sour soup I made. That was nice, easy, fun, and delicious. But not to my mind right now.
I hate not being able to enjoy the thought of food! The nausea is supposed to be waning (from everything I've read), but it's just not--it's here with full force, back to how I was before I started feeling a little better--back to all of the scents in the office killing me, back to even the thought of food making me want to die. Someday. Someday. Someday. I'll be a normal person again who can talk about food 24 hours a day, like I always do. I can't wait--but I keep having to be reminded that all of this is worth it and it's the sign of a good, healthy pregnancy. And in about 6 1/2 months, we'll have a little baby. Won't that be fun? Right now, I just can't see it.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Back to Sick
October 22, 2009
Don't worry. The nausea is still alive and kicking. I was so excited to just be able to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, but that will not be the case forever, it feels like. This morning, I was totally fine until I walked out of the door this morning. As I walked up the stairs, I started feeling so sick I debated just going right back inside. But I walked to Emily's house instead of just going back to bed. So now I'm at work today, suffering through intense bouts of nausea to have those small moments where it seems totally fine to eat a Crystal Stick--and I've eaten two today, so I can't be doing too badly.
I brought some delicious eggs with cheese, celery, and red peppers for lunch today, but I just can't make myself eat it. I guess I shouldn't gain as much weight as I've been gaining, because I'm already so incredibly huge, so I guess it's fine. Eating delicious food all the time is totally overrated, anyway. (But I don't really believe that--because I live for delicious food).
All of the nausea is supposed to be gone by the end of the month for sure, so that is really nice. I can only hope it's for real. Even if I can't just eat whatever I want whenever I want, it'll be so nice to at least not want to die instead of eat anything. Once or twice a day, I try really hard to force myself to eat something just because I should and not just because I can eat it. It's working pretty well.
Except, I can't eat salad anymore, no matter how much I try, which is really sad. I ate salad every day for over two weeks, and now I just can't do it. But I can't eat treats very well, either. I'm slowly easing into it, but it's really hard because I usually just want to eat treats. Now I eat healthful snacks and meals. But it's nice to eat a little treat after a meal. Meals are nice, too.
Don't worry. The nausea is still alive and kicking. I was so excited to just be able to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, but that will not be the case forever, it feels like. This morning, I was totally fine until I walked out of the door this morning. As I walked up the stairs, I started feeling so sick I debated just going right back inside. But I walked to Emily's house instead of just going back to bed. So now I'm at work today, suffering through intense bouts of nausea to have those small moments where it seems totally fine to eat a Crystal Stick--and I've eaten two today, so I can't be doing too badly.
I brought some delicious eggs with cheese, celery, and red peppers for lunch today, but I just can't make myself eat it. I guess I shouldn't gain as much weight as I've been gaining, because I'm already so incredibly huge, so I guess it's fine. Eating delicious food all the time is totally overrated, anyway. (But I don't really believe that--because I live for delicious food).
All of the nausea is supposed to be gone by the end of the month for sure, so that is really nice. I can only hope it's for real. Even if I can't just eat whatever I want whenever I want, it'll be so nice to at least not want to die instead of eat anything. Once or twice a day, I try really hard to force myself to eat something just because I should and not just because I can eat it. It's working pretty well.
Except, I can't eat salad anymore, no matter how much I try, which is really sad. I ate salad every day for over two weeks, and now I just can't do it. But I can't eat treats very well, either. I'm slowly easing into it, but it's really hard because I usually just want to eat treats. Now I eat healthful snacks and meals. But it's nice to eat a little treat after a meal. Meals are nice, too.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
The End of Nausea?
October 18, 2009
Slowly, it seems the nausea is subsiding. It's strange. A couple days ago, I woke up and didn't wish I could just die, even though I hadn't eaten anything for about 10 hours. But I am still nauseated by lotion smells. It was about a week ago that I could start to smell different foods without wanting to die. That was amazing. There are still some foods that make me sick, though, but I'm pretty sure it's just the foods I didn't like the smell of before. But today, I wake up and I'm hungry and I have to go potty and I'm so hungry because I haven't eaten in 12 hours so I'm feeling a bit sick, but it's nothing I can't handle. It's not an overpowering nausea that deters me from eating any and all food--it's an aching hunger so eating seems the natural solution (unlike that stupid all-day morning sickness where food is the only thing that helps but is the most repulsive thing on earth). It feels great.
If only I could find something appetizing.
That's the strange thing. I used to only want to eat the same thing every day for months--spaghetti, curry, different types of Indian foods, soup and sandwiches, or whatever. And then I would make it and eat it for months and then change to a new thing. But now, I find it really hard to eat the same thing twice in a row. I made amazing blueberry pandacakes yesterday for breakfast and they were SO good, but I feel so sick of them. I've been trying to make smaller portions of things--going with recipes that make 4 servings (or say they do) instead of my usual 10. But what a recipe says is 4 servings, I've learned is really closer to 6 or 7, and when a recipe says that it makes 12 pandacakes dropped from a 1/4-cup measuring cup, it really means 18, so everyone is a big, fat liar. But Michael has been better about eating leftovers than he's ever been, so we haven't had to throw anything away yet, which is nice.
But I'm hungry now, so I really should eat a little snack so I can eat again before church so I won't have to pop Quaker Oatmeal Squares all through church again this week--I feel bad (especially because I'm still trying to hide it from everyone even though I am CLEARLY in maternity clothes and there is really no doubt about my condition--adorable, huh?
Slowly, it seems the nausea is subsiding. It's strange. A couple days ago, I woke up and didn't wish I could just die, even though I hadn't eaten anything for about 10 hours. But I am still nauseated by lotion smells. It was about a week ago that I could start to smell different foods without wanting to die. That was amazing. There are still some foods that make me sick, though, but I'm pretty sure it's just the foods I didn't like the smell of before. But today, I wake up and I'm hungry and I have to go potty and I'm so hungry because I haven't eaten in 12 hours so I'm feeling a bit sick, but it's nothing I can't handle. It's not an overpowering nausea that deters me from eating any and all food--it's an aching hunger so eating seems the natural solution (unlike that stupid all-day morning sickness where food is the only thing that helps but is the most repulsive thing on earth). It feels great.
If only I could find something appetizing.
That's the strange thing. I used to only want to eat the same thing every day for months--spaghetti, curry, different types of Indian foods, soup and sandwiches, or whatever. And then I would make it and eat it for months and then change to a new thing. But now, I find it really hard to eat the same thing twice in a row. I made amazing blueberry pandacakes yesterday for breakfast and they were SO good, but I feel so sick of them. I've been trying to make smaller portions of things--going with recipes that make 4 servings (or say they do) instead of my usual 10. But what a recipe says is 4 servings, I've learned is really closer to 6 or 7, and when a recipe says that it makes 12 pandacakes dropped from a 1/4-cup measuring cup, it really means 18, so everyone is a big, fat liar. But Michael has been better about eating leftovers than he's ever been, so we haven't had to throw anything away yet, which is nice.
But I'm hungry now, so I really should eat a little snack so I can eat again before church so I won't have to pop Quaker Oatmeal Squares all through church again this week--I feel bad (especially because I'm still trying to hide it from everyone even though I am CLEARLY in maternity clothes and there is really no doubt about my condition--adorable, huh?
What's New
October 10, 2009
I cannot remember how it feels to not be completely sick to my stomach. Eating doesn't entirely alleviate the horrific nausea. I honestly don't remember what being healthy feels like. It's strange, isn't it? I mean, I haven't even been pregnant for 10 weeks even, so I've only been sick for about six weeks now, but I can't remember what it feels like to be able to eat what I want, not want to vomit all the time, not be so huge, not have every part of my body hurt and ache, not be so incredibly tired I can't stay up for three hours after work, not hate every scent I smell (whether or not I liked it before I was pregnant--now I just can't handle any lotion, perfume, or other artificial fragrance), and so on and on. The crazy thing is that now, many food smells don't bother me so much any more, which is awesome, because for a couple of weeks there, I thought I would have to quit my job--between the endless lotion and food smells permeating the office--but now, I rest assured I won't always feel like this. I just can't imagine what it feels like to be a normal person. But I can't wait to rediscover it!
I cannot remember how it feels to not be completely sick to my stomach. Eating doesn't entirely alleviate the horrific nausea. I honestly don't remember what being healthy feels like. It's strange, isn't it? I mean, I haven't even been pregnant for 10 weeks even, so I've only been sick for about six weeks now, but I can't remember what it feels like to be able to eat what I want, not want to vomit all the time, not be so huge, not have every part of my body hurt and ache, not be so incredibly tired I can't stay up for three hours after work, not hate every scent I smell (whether or not I liked it before I was pregnant--now I just can't handle any lotion, perfume, or other artificial fragrance), and so on and on. The crazy thing is that now, many food smells don't bother me so much any more, which is awesome, because for a couple of weeks there, I thought I would have to quit my job--between the endless lotion and food smells permeating the office--but now, I rest assured I won't always feel like this. I just can't imagine what it feels like to be a normal person. But I can't wait to rediscover it!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Just being sick
September 21, 2009
Having a baby still seems so unreal, except for the massive nausea I suffer all day, every day. I just can't get comfortable and I just can't get my stomach settled. I don't know what to do--every food item sounds just awful. But if I can manage to eat something, it settles my stomach for a very short moment. It's the actual putting-something-in-my-mouth that is the hard part. Even thinking about it makes me sick. And it's that awful kind of sick--like I can't even throw up, but I wish so much that I could because I know it would make me feel better. I am so sick, all I can do is whine to Michael about how my tummy hurts. It feels awful, and I just have to remember that I won't last forever and it will be totally worth it once this is over. But for now, I feel so incredibly sick. I can't even work--I go to work, sure, but while I'm there, I'm just feeling awful.
Having a baby still seems so unreal, except for the massive nausea I suffer all day, every day. I just can't get comfortable and I just can't get my stomach settled. I don't know what to do--every food item sounds just awful. But if I can manage to eat something, it settles my stomach for a very short moment. It's the actual putting-something-in-my-mouth that is the hard part. Even thinking about it makes me sick. And it's that awful kind of sick--like I can't even throw up, but I wish so much that I could because I know it would make me feel better. I am so sick, all I can do is whine to Michael about how my tummy hurts. It feels awful, and I just have to remember that I won't last forever and it will be totally worth it once this is over. But for now, I feel so incredibly sick. I can't even work--I go to work, sure, but while I'm there, I'm just feeling awful.
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