Hard Times at Work Today

A conversation at work (maybe today, maybe yesterday, maybe late last week, even) that involved Joel, mostly, I think, involved Joel's saying how he sometimes felt a little bad that he could just look at Bethany and she'd get pregnant, and he felt a little bad sometimes because they have so many friends who are trying to have kids and they just can't. That is something that I can totally relate to. It's sometimes hard when all of my friends are having their third, fourth, or fifth kids and I still can't have one. I identify with how hard it can be. It's sometimes hard to be happy for my friends, even though I want to be. But I still tried and I never missed a baby shower I was invited to and I never said mean things about anyone who was having a million kids (except maybe my sister had TOO many kids way too close together), and never out of envy. I honestly believe Chelsea had her kids way too close together for her to be able to handle and she's never been able to catch up on her sleep or sanity and she's totally turned into a frazzled old woman at the age of 33.

But today, someone at work started hating on people who say they are trying to have kids. He said some really hateful things, demeaning a couple's pain when they just want to share their love, lives, and joy with a baby of their own. It was really hurtful to me. I wanted to yell at him that it's totally inappropriate to mock them for saying that they are trying. Sure, "trying" implies having sex, and I'm sorry taht he can't handle the idea of married people having sex when he's been in a drought since he moved to Utah. But "trying" often implies so much more--with medical interventions and stress and faith and so much that no one ever sees. When he said those mean things, I was so offended and sad. I almost cried (not that it takes a lot for me to cry these days, but it was so inappropriate). How can someone be so oblivious to someone else's pain?

I mean, I know that a week or so ago, this guy said that he wanted to stop being so mean and start being nicer, and then asked me, very seriously, about ways he could start being nicer to people. And I told him that I didn't know except to start seeing people as people who have other things going on in their lives and problems and hard times that we can't and may never see. He replied, "Yeah, I don't think I could do that." And then dropped it. So why am I surprised when he's mocking people that have a hard time having kids and tell people that they are trying? Guys, here's a shocker: I am married and I have sex with my husband. In the end, that is how I got pregnant. But there was a lot more involved in it than that. There were a lot of tears, there was a lot of prayer, there was a lot of wishing, talking, internal dialogues, and then there was a lot of stress and worry and the threat of a lot of medical interventions.

I don't know why I was so offended by his offhand comments--saying things like, "oh, you're trying to have kids? What--does that like take an advanced degree or something?" "Gross--you're trying to have kids, that is not anything I want to hear about." I can't believe anyone who is 33 years old is that immature to not realize that not every couple can get pregnant the second they want to. I know I shouldn't be so invested in things he does--to mock so flippantly the couples that Joel was talking about. But it is hurtful, because, even though he didn't realize he was making fun of me, and I never told people that Michael and I were "trying" to have kids, but that was my situation until three months ago. It's just rude that he can't see other people as people who have things going on in their lives that we aren't a part of.